You awaken one hour before class

Your phone alarm has been snoozed seven times. A mysterious note on your desk reads, “Trust the ferret.” You do not own a ferret.

Your mini fridge hums like it is preparing for liftoff. A half eaten chicken sandwich appears to be negotiating peace with a bottle of Sriracha. Outside, the marching band seems to spell your name backward. In the hallway, someone is arguing with a vending machine about academic freedom and exact change.

A red button on your desk says “Do not press.” Time is ticking. What do you do?