You awake in your Purdue dorm room exactly one hour before class. Your phone alarm has been snoozed seven times. A mysterious note on your desk reads, “Trust the ferret.” You do not own a ferret.
Your mini fridge hums like it is preparing for liftoff. A half eaten chicken sandwich appears to be negotiating peace with a bottle of Sriracha. Outside the window, a marching band practices a routine that seems to spell out your name backwards. In the hallway, someone is arguing with a vending machine about academic freedom and exact change.
On your desk is a textbook that you definitely meant to read last night. It is currently being used as a coaster for an empty coffee cup. A second note says, “Do not press the red button.” There is, unfortunately, a red button on your desk. It is labeled “Do not press.”
Time is ticking. What do you do?